"Give a shoulder to lean on instead of thousand words." - Super Junior Kibum.

Infinite - Only Tears & Tsubaki - Sea of Love

I found this song is so unique... ^^
My pen pal recommended me to listen this song.
Okay, actually it tells about a man who loves his crush so much...
He doesn't have a courage, he doesn't even have anything... but he misses the girl a lot.
Okay, just check it out the translation below. You'll feel tremble and thumping once you read it! :)

I love you. I’m sorry
But i can’t do this anymore
I don’t even have the right to get close to you
Don’t love me
I don’t have the ease of being able to give you my heart
I live every day beyond my strength
Each day is too much so i cry

Oh, i.. I don’t have anything i can give you
(but i’m) missing you
I can’t even give you loving words
But i’m missing you
I can’t even boldly wish for you to be mine
But i’m missing you
So i push you away
Because i’m a guy who has nothing but his own heart

I’m holding back, even though it hurts
Even tears are a luxury for me
I don’t even have the right to look at you
Don’t look at me

I know that my heart is wherever you are
Close enough our breaths can touch
Always in that same place

Oh, i… i don’t have anything i can give you
(but i’m) missing you
I can’t even give you loving words
But i’m missing you
I can’t even boldly wish for you to be mine
But i’m missing you
So i push you away

More than anyone else in this world
I love you, so i hold back

Oh i… i can’t hold your hand
But i’m missing you
I’m worried i might just have my tears to hold
So i’m missing you
I can’t tell you to stay with me
But i’m missing you
So it’s too much, but in the end
It’s because i’m a man who has nothing but his own heart

Reminiscence

This is my first short story that published in Teen Magazine. I was really happy at that time.
I was incredibly surprised that my favorite magazine would publish one of my short stories that I sent. It was published when I was in the third semester.
Though I didn't  get the pay for my work. It's because of my foolishness or might be my careless.
In the last sheet of my short story, I didn't put the name of the bank on my profile. I only put the account bank there. So, I couldn't get the honor. However, I think this magazine is not responsible. Why they didn't ask me where should they send my honor?

 I should be happy and proud of my self because of it, but at least the magazine must have appreciated my work nevertheless. This... in the two pieces of colored paper.  I call it reminiscence.
From the most of my reminiscences that I had. It's a sweet reminiscence ever.
I finally succeeded in managing my dream to be a writer.  
Notwithstanding its only in two pages of a short story, I was really happy back then. 


The picture above is the cover...
In Jang Geun Seok and Park Shin Hye edition ^^~

I am Me

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”

-Virginia Satir

Tough Life

Life is Tough... That's what I mean.

This year I'm going to turn to 21 soon.

I know how feel rejected from the work place that I applied.

Rejected with the very polite saying until the rude refusal.

When I got the last one, I bursted into tears.

I'm an ignorant person that don't know how to talk back with people who look down on me.

All I did only said "yes... yes..." and gave a bit fake smile.

Never had I been that it is more difficult than I ever imagined.

I learn a lot from those things.

I feel like shit.

Accompanied by my bicycle that has been my best friend I go through this hardship..

I go to there and here to looking for another job. On and on...

I'm not a kind of spoiled child that asking or demand anything from parents.
I have to make a lot of effort to fulfil what I want.
I must survive with a little wage that I earn every month.
However, my brother... he is exceptional. LOL.
I think I'm filial sister for him. He treats me like a 5-year-kid.
He knows what I need. 

My brother said that I have to sharpen my English speaking skill. Cuz it will useful a lot. Furthermore he has acquaintance that has a link for a job though the requirement is must have good speaking ability.

What to do? I don't even have any speaking partner.

No one ever told me that life would be this hard.

This is a life, life is hard and full of obstacles.

From now on and onwards I have to keep struggling. 

Beyond every barrier that  I went through I believe Allah has prepared a good thing behind it.

 

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.

Tim Hansel

 I wouldn't say that I've had a tough life by any stretch of the imagination.

  Duncan Sheik

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as well as labor does the body

Seneca

 

The End of The Moment

The past is the past

We can't comeback to that time

Don't ever cry over the past

Because it has gone ..

Regret, guilty, twisted in agony 

If only regret came in ahead of us
But it's impossible
It never happens

At the first I'm not accustomed to be like this

However, gradually every single day by day
Somehow I'm used to with it
I'm quite sure it's because of you 

This... inside of me,
My heart is being ripped apart
Without a couple of words and even a single word
Why does it end like this?

So, this is goodbye
Without having a farewell 
You leave me behind
YOU’RE REALLY GONE  

I'm gonna smile like nothing happened
Deal with the present in front of me
I'm gonna pretend that its not hurt me
Though I realize that its the most painful moment 

ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ

A Loner In Disguise

There is nothing I can do
Too tired to take a deep breath
Here I am, take shelter from the heavy rain
Suddenly tears fall, wihout I notice it


I hope I'm doing fine
Night sky without  glowing stars
I'm fear, I'm fear ..
Hi, Nothing happened, nothing happened


I said to myself many times,
Please stay strong ..
I grumble, mumble, I'm in awful state
Do I restless?


God please, comfort me
I had lot of tears, it spills over .. runny nose, swollen eye
Never expected it before
Why does it must happen?


And I stop in the half way
After go through the difficult time
Sorry, sorry, this one word that I can only say