ought to be. left beneath the soles of our feet, where no one can see them. because sometimes words are
just better left unsaid. Some things are meant to be still. the less they reveal, the more we wonder.
When you can’t find the right words, or any words at all...it feels like there’s this hollow space. left in between. Like a billion pieces waiting to be fixed..... and when we find them, they rest peacefully in the palms of our hands. We dare not let any light gloom in between our fingers to disintegrate its admirable shape. we take care of it with every parts of our body. we wash all the dust away from its dirty corners. and then we think of all the people that have used these words. And how they came out of their mouth. almost like a soft, gentle, rolling mouthful of glittering stars language. and how they must have looked like. maybe they were said beautifully. I mean, beautiful in all ways. words can also cut you open. reveal the deepest side of you. a side no one has never seen.
I’m an inconstant light. that flickers. that brightens. that expresses incredulity. that yearns for something. All I want is to spread out my ray of light to the furthest limit in the distance at which i’ll be willing to touch and feel something, or someone, with just the tips of my fingers. and maybe, just maybe, I’m hoping that it will be at the end of my reach, yearning for me too.
I don’t want to fall another moment in this tortuous electricity. Where fear holds everything that i am. where nothing ever feels right. it’s a feeling of contempt. of despair. of loneliness. Almost like my thoughts have dangling spangles hung before them awaiting to shine, to set free, and sparkle. but the rest is nothing but gaps and holes.
The horror of these thin black strings, the ones you wish you could pluck away from, shape us into one, so nakedly horrifying, and holds us all silent. Sometimes I’m half scared of how any of this will end up at the end but still happy of the sensation it’s creating. Sometimes I lose myself in the maze of sentiments and things I do or say that always remain unspoken or vague by my lack of words to express them. Because sometimes rage and flightless thoughts stay with me. Inexpressive words and frustrations. nevertheless, all of this leads to, or combines to make this all so awe-inspiring. where the words seem to link themselves together so perfectly. right here. on this white page.
Confusing images and conflicting impulses chase through my mind like wandering ghosts.sloshing in my skull. and they float inside of me. The anonymous lifeless figures find their way out and through. Like gesticulating and overarching shadows..that keep fidgeting. my own irrational fears are like blind terrors. that come from dark insights. Sometimes they move, like a flittering movement in front of my mind and obscures my idea. it’s like a stain in the darkness, a stain that was you. but that slowly detaches itself from me. and begins to draw away. and vanishes. every now and again.
I hope you don’t find this too difficult to follow.
I hope you understand.
I believe that some things can only be captured by the one who sees it in a certain way.
I hide under sweaters, like it's hiding from the world.
remember things. I usually tend to keep quiet about them. Sometimes I don’t know what to do anymore. and so i stay silent and still. letting the quietness put things where they are supposed to be.
For letters that were never sent. for lyrics that were never sung. for thoughts that were never
expressed. for feelings that were never revealed. things that were just simply hidden. It’s where outlines of dreadful thoughts were created. it’s a place no one will ever know. it’s where things never quite fit. It’s where disconnection among us became so real. and unconsciously pushing people away became a natural instinct. for all the times i thought the light was turned off, when it was still faintly glowing. when all I knew was how to set barriers or limits in order to protect myself. for not to go any further than what I already know.I’m here to say that I’m tired of pushing thoughts down and out of sight. i hate letting things paint a dark figure on the biggest parts of my life or moments I’ve cherished. I want to let love in. I want to welcome change in. and let you see what’s inside. and have no limited dimensions. and color you in, like all the rest.
I want us to forget everything for a second. absolutely everything that ever happened. anything that caused you pain, or fear, or hurt. forget everything. only remember the times when you were happy. when you felt something. or better yet, when we were simply stones. when our lungs were half empty and our hearts were filled with air. nothing was felt. nothing had been said. nothing existed. Maybe I just want to be pure this time. i just want you to see me for who i am. and what i’m not.
“I hope I find a place where I belong.”
I fall in love with dancing. with the way I feel when I let it take me over. when your body becomes the music. with the way people feel about it. how they capture the little things and defining moments in between. I hope that those people know how much they have an effect on me. i hope they’re happy. I hope they know they made me feel something. that they made me feel complete inside. I hope they know I'm replete with joy whenever I see them. or come in contact with them. I just really hope that somewhere along the lines, they know that. and it makes them feel content, too. I think the moment when i’m caught linking with another’s eye... that’s when they know. not anything in particular. they just know. they feel it too.
Posted 20th October by Gen Laurin
Tidak ada komentar:
Posting Komentar